Friday, 5 December 2008

The Church of the Holy Metamodel

I knew it was only a matter of time because I've been seeing various ominous signs. Celestial bodies are moving into an unusual alignment.


So it didn't surprise me in the least when Father Ralph Müller, one of EMF's many zealots, err, I mean disciples, came to me with a story about hearing voices that he believes were from a supreme being. It might actually have been His Holiness Mike Milinkovich, but in my fanatic, err, I mean learned, opinion, that's close enough. The gospel according to Ralph is that God uses EMF. Now this should really come as no surprise to anyone---of course any self-respecting designer would model their creations first---but it's nevertheless a startling revelation to many. It really begs for the creation of the Church of the Holy Metamodel; I'm writing the Eclipse project proposal for it now. We will enshrine Ecore as the fundamentalist's pure self-describing model that binds all creation under unity. Feeling totally inspired, Sister Amber went out on a pilgrimage in search of visions, or perhaps for a nice place to make yellow snow; everyone is inspired in their own way.


The timing could not have been better, because Brother Dave Steinberg has been working tirelessly in seclusion on The Really New Testament, also known affectionately as the second edition of the EMF book. He just completed this sacred task. His compilation about the life and times of Ecore will be unveiled December 24; order now because you won't find a free copy in every hotel. It's is a delectable compelling morsel you definitely don't want to overlook.


To kick start our new church, we began with a good old fashioned purging; nothing brings a community together like a witch hunt. Our witch was called SDO, a tainted offshoot of Ecore we'd all like to forget, so we scratched it from our history books. We're definitely feeling much better now that the SDOectomy is behind us. A little sprinkling of holy water along with a heart-rending blessing from Brother Nick, and the exorcism is done.


Though not as astounding as Ralph's revelation, I had an amazing, almost miraculous, experience of my own: I went out to the car this week and found this stunning revelation on the license plate of my very own car!


I believe this to be a sign calling for me to preach the holy word according to modeling. To make a fresh start, one of the ancient practices I'm thinking of reviving---you just don't hear enough about it these days---is shunning. Like witch hunts, it's a great community building experience; not so great for the witches of course, but hey, there are only a few of them and many of us, so it's for the greater good. I'm just not sure whom to shun first, so I'm open to suggestions.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Amen.

-- Brother Dave

Anonymous said...

But, how can you tell she's a witch?

Ed Merks said...

Please refer to this instructional video about how to identify a witch.

Denis Roy said...

Ontario needs to get rid of front license plates. They destroy a car's looks.

Annas "Andy" Maleh said...

Hilarious. :) Great post Ed!

Kim Moir said...

Nice license plate. Regarding geeky license plates, I'll have to register "kimmitter". Perhaps one letter too many though...